Come down, they say.
It’s time. Everyone is here.
The smells have been drifting through the house all day.
My stomach turns.
I can’t.
The table is full.
No—overflowing.
And I sit there in horror, in pain.
They fill my plate.
They say enjoy.
Smiles on their faces.
They find this fun.
I find it excruciating.
They ask what I’m thankful for.
And I think,
I can’t possibly tell them this is torture.
So I softly say,
For the chef.
And she smiles proudly,
happily relieved.
REFLECTION
Holidays look joyful from the outside, but for many people, a full table can feel overwhelming.
This piece can be read through many lenses:
eating disorders
anxiety
depression
trauma
sensory overload
masking to keep the peace
Some people smile to make the room comfortable while holding their breath inside their own body.
There are also the loved ones who feel a brief, fragile moment of relief when someone seems “ok,” even if the truth is more complicated.
If this season feels heavy, confusing, or exhausting for you, you’re not doing anything wrong.
You’re just human.